Some things can never be unheard
by FandomObsessedGirl1
Summary: Fischer sets out to get revenge on Jane, but somehow ends up overhearing an intimate conversation between him and Lisbon whilst hidden in Jane's hotel room. If things couldn't get any worse, the conversation soon turns to much more than talking... One Shot, assuming Lisbon and Jane are secretly together and Fischer never left.


Kim Fischer was setting out on a very important secret mission. A mission so secret in fact, that neither Abbot nor the rest of the team knew about it. But it was a very important and very secret mission, fuelled entirely by revenge. Kim Fischer wasn't a woman to stand by and allow Patrick Jane to embarrass her as he had done today, and she was going to get him back for it, whatever it took.

She walked up to the desk in the hotel lobby with purpose.

"I need an extra key for room 651" she told the young girl seated there.

"Could I just check the name of the person the room is registered to?"

"Patrick Jane. This is an FBI matter I'm afraid" Fischer dug her badge out of her pocket and held it out for inspection.

"I just need to get my manager..."

"I don't have much time, I need to get into that room now" she explained. It wasn't a lie; the rest of the team were due back in just over 10 minutes and she needed to be done by then.

"I...ok, here you go" the girl succumbed to Fischer's threatening glare and handed over the key reluctantly.

Fischer thanked her and walked away swiftly. Phase 1 was complete.

Entering Jane's room was a little nerve wracking since she wouldn't put it past him to have snuck off to his hotel room for a quick nap, but thankfully she found it empty. She quickly crossed the room, registering the unmade bed and clothes scattered around. She'd never pegged him as a particularly messy person, but they had left in a bit of a rush that morning. She didn't think to question the fact that there were a pair of sweatpants and a women's vest thrown across the back of the chair, on top of Jane's striped pyjamas. Upon entering the bathroom, Fischer's eyes caught sight of Jane's wash bag and she grinned to herself. He was going to wish he'd never made that comment about her sexual preferences in front of the whole team, as well as the local PD officers and the grieving family. She tried not to think about how on earth he had known that she had uses for her handcuffs outside of work, focussing instead on exacting her revenge. She pulled the bottle of shampoo out of his wash bag and took the small sachet out of her pocket. It only took a few seconds to empty it into the shampoo and shake it up, making sure that it looked exactly as it had before. Then she placed it back in the bag and stepped out of the bathroom, just in time to hear voices outside the room door. Fischer froze, her eyes scanning the room for a hiding spot whilst she tried to work out if it was just people passing by or not. Then she heard the sound of a key being inserted into the lock, and threw herself back into the bathroom and behind the shower curtain.

"You were so bluffing, you had no idea that she liked him" Lisbon's voice floated through the bathroom door. 

Fischer was a little surprised to hear that Lisbon had come back to Jane's hotel room with him, but they were good friends after all, it wasn't all that unexpected.

"I never bluff Lisbon" Jane responded cockily "plus it was obvious, she couldn't keep her eyes off him"

"Sure" Lisbon sounded less than convinced.

"Just like you can't with me"

Fischer could almost hear the smirk in his voice and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah? Well maybe you should give me something to really look at"

Her eyes bulged at Lisbon's response. Now that wasn't right; normally Lisbon gently hit Jane or rolled her eyes at his flirting. She'd never before heard her respond in the same manner.

"Oh I will Teresa, just you wait"

Teresa? Since when did Jane call her by her first name? Maybe it was just something they did when they weren't at work. It had been clear from the start that they were very close, but there was an immense amount of intimacy attached to his use of her first name.

"So have you solved this one yet?"

Good, they were talking about the case again. That was safe; less flirty and confusing. Hopefully they'd just chat about a plan or suspects for a while, and then Lisbon would go back to her room and Jane would fall asleep and she would be free to escape.

"Nearly. As much as I enjoy the occasional hotel experience, I miss the bed back home; it's much bigger and comfier. I plan to get it solved as quickly as possible so we can go back"

Fischer frowned. She'd been in Jane's airstream on several occasions; that bed was tiny, and nothing about it screamed comfort. Maybe he had finally bought himself an apartment.

"It's always about sleep for you, isn't it?" Lisbon joked.

"Oh I think we both know that sleeping wasn't what I was talking about" Jane shot back in a low, seductive voice.

Fischer shook her head in confusion. Jokey, everyday flirting she was used to. Blatant references to sex, she was not. Maybe their relationship was even closer than she realised.

"Oh really?"

Lisbon's flirtatious tone mirrored Jane's.

"Really. In fact I'll be happy to recreate what happened just two days ago on that lovely comfy bed of yours to remind you if you so wish"

Lisbon's bed. Jane was talking about having sex on Lisbon's bed. With Lisbon. Oh god, this was so much more than just flirting. They were sleeping together. And she was hiding in the adjoined bathroom finally putting the pieces together and realising why Pike had stopped coming up to their floor at work, why Lisbon had been late to work on a couple of occasions and why Jane had been looking so happy recently.

She suddenly realised that the room had become suspiciously quiet. Stepping as close to the edge of the shower curtain as she dared, Fischer slowly leant her head to see out of the side, desperately hoping that neither of them happened to glance in her direction. Her mouth fell open at what she saw. Jane and Lisbon were pressed together, devouring each other's mouths. Jane had his hands lovingly on either side of her face, whilst Lisbon was running her fingers through his curls as she pushed her body closer to his. A slight moan from Lisbon as Jane nibbled her bottom lip forced Fischer back to reality and she jumped back, as far away from the edge of the curtain as she could. Jane and Lisbon were most definitely together. Cho owed her twenty bucks, at least.

She could suddenly hear heavy breathing from the room; they must have stopped for air.

"Did you want a shower?" She heard Lisbon ask, and she held her breath. 

"Would you join me?"

 _Oh please god_ Fischer prayed silently.

"Seriously Jane?" 

"In a while maybe, I have a much better idea right now"

Fischer's initial relief at his response vanished fairy quickly, as she contemplated exactly what that 'better idea' might be. The surprised cry and creaking noises confirmed her suspicions. Jane had obviously just pushed Lisbon back onto his bed, and her lack of protest suggested that her mouth was too busy being otherwise engaged.

Fischer had to get out of there right away. And without being seen. How exactly she was going to accomplish that, she had no idea. The only way out of the bathroom was into the bedroom, from which point she'd somehow have to get across the room and out of the door without being seen. No chance. Even if she somehow shimmied across the floor, there was little doubt that they would miss the door being opened, and then her cover would be blown. She needed a plan B.

How had she been so stupid as to get herself in this situation? She had forgotten that Jane had driven his rental car that day, meaning that her predicted 10 minutes in which to work was much lessened by his disregard for the speed limit. But she hadn't anticipated Lisbon going with him, much less back to his hotel room. She should have guessed that something was up when she heard two voices outside the hotel room, and revealed her presence. Sure, it would have been embarrassing to admit her revenge plan to them, but at least she wouldn't have found herself in this predicament. There was no way she could walk out now, she couldn't explain why she had hidden in the bathroom for so long, listening to their flirting and kissing.

She very carefully peered around the shower curtain again, hoping desperately that the lack of talking in the room meant that they had just fallen asleep together after a long day at work and she could tiptoe out.

No such luck. Instead, both of her colleagues were topless (and braless as well in Lisbon's case) and still hungrily kissing each other on the bed. She hid behind the curtain again, trying to prevent that particular image from burning itself into the back of her mind.

From the room she heard the familiar sound of a zipper being undone, followed by a deep guttural moan. Shit.

"Teresa...oh"

Jane's voice sounded as a hoarse whisper.

Fischer racked her brains for an escape plan. She could jump out with her gun and claim to have heard a noise and thought someone was in danger, but that still wouldn't explain why she had been waiting in the bathroom. Or she could call Cho and somehow persuade him to set off the fire alarm, but she was certain that it would require more explanation than she wanted to give, and she wasn't so sure how she could do that without alerting them of her presence. Maybe she could rip the shower curtain off the rail and use it to shield her identity whilst she made a run for it. That seemed the best idea yet, and she was looking carefully at the attachments at the top until she remembered that Lisbon was an FBI agent. There was no way she would sit and stare in shock as a bizarre shower curtain ghost sprinted across the room. No, Fischer would probably end up tackled to the ground by a half naked Lisbon.

"Oh...Ohhhh"

The moans that filled the room were most definitely feminine now, and Fischer was deeply regretting having left her ear plugs in her case. Ringing Cho and somehow asking him to pull the fire alarm was becoming an increasingly attractive option.

"Please Patrick...I want you...now"

There was a little shuffling and the sounds of more pieces of clothing being removed, and then moans of satisfaction from both parties. _Shit, shit, shit_. Fischer almost put her hands over her ears to block out the increasingly loud moans and grunts. And then she had a stroke of genius.

Trying not to let her eyes catch sight of what was going on in the room, she reached carefully out and tugged the large towel from the hook beside the shower. With it safely in her grasp, she slipped her hand round the wall to find the switch she had seen earlier and braced herself. She was fairly sure that they were too busy to notice the disembodied hand that had snuck around the corner into the room. She took a deep breath, and then flicked off the switch, throwing the room into darkness. She sprinted towards the door, throwing the towel over her head so that they wouldn't recognise her face as she threw the door open and escaped down the corridor. She didn't stop running until she was in the security of her own room, where she sank into her bed and tried to block out the memories of what she had just seen and heard. At least she was fairly sure they hadn't caught sight of her face. She let herself fall back onto the bed. She was deeply regretting the revenge plan she had come up with earlier. No matter how funny it would be to see Jane turn up to breakfast tomorrow morning with his beautiful blond hair suspiciously turned pink (only temporarily of course; she wasn't that mean), she would never be able to rid her mind of the events of the past 5 minutes.

Back in Jane's room both he and Lisbon were stumbling around in confusion, trying to find the light switch. Finally Lisbon managed to locate it, and they quickly looked around the room and bathroom for any sign of the intruder.

"It was probably just a maid who was too embarrassed to reveal herself" Jane reassured her.

"Or an assassin" Lisbon pointed out.

"An assassin who hid for 5 minutes, before escaping without even trying to take a shot?" Jane shot back.

After another few minutes of searching, Lisbon was inclined to agree with him. Still, having an intruder run out of the room in the middle of sex was a massive turnoff. She picked up her underwear from the floor, but didn't have a chance to put them back on before Jane wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"I don't think I'm finished with you quite yet" he breathed into her ear.

"Oh really?" She whispered back, dropping the underwear back onto the floor as he tugged her back towards the bed. 

The next morning Fischer woke up early and rushed down to breakfast as soon as she was dressed. She wanted to get out of there as fast as she could, she couldn't face bumping into either Jane or Lisbon quite yet. Unfortunately for her, the rest of the team were already seated together, discussing the day's plan. Jane and Lisbon were sitting next to each other, and Fischer couldn't help but grin slightly when she realised that Jane's hair had a very pink tinge to it. Then he looked up and spotted her and she quickly turned towards the coffee machine. She settled herself down at the opposite end of the table to them, beside Abbott, and tried her hardest to block out the awful memories that kept throwing themselves at her.

"What did you do to your hair, Jane?" She asked, trying her hardest to act casual.

The rest of the table all chuckled; clearly she wasn't the first to ask.

"Stupid shampoo" he answered "I kind of like it though, might keep it"

"You have got to be kidding me" Lisbon muttered.

Fischer continued to stare at his hair absentmindedly, and Jane watched her for a few moments, and then he had a moment of realisation.

"I'll just be a minute" he told the team, getting up.

A few minutes later he came back, looking fairly pleased with himself. He took his seat beside Lisbon again, and then muttered something in her ear.

"What?" her eyes turned wide as a deep blush spread across her face. She spun to look at Fischer.

Fischer tried to focus on eating her muffin, but she couldn't help but wonder what Jane had just discovered. He couldn't have worked out it was her, could he? _Oh god, please tell me he hasn't._ Where had he just gone? He'd walked out of the dining room door, not towards the lift back up to the rooms. Where else did that door lead? Towards the exit, lobby…and reception desk. Oh. Maybe he had worked it out after all. She shot a look in their direction and saw Lisbon hiding her still red face behind a coffee mug, whilst Jane looked entirely unembarrassed. He caught her eye and shot her a smile that completely confirmed that he knew.

"What's going on?" Abbott asked. He had clearly been watching the bizarre interactions taking place between his team members.

"Nothing" Fischer and Lisbon blurted out quickly.

"No idea" Jane added smoothly.

Well at least they weren't going to tell the others, it was more embarrassing for them. Mostly.

Fischer spotted Cho staring at her with his usual emotionless expression. She would have to tell him later, after all that had happened she most definitely deserved her twenty bucks.


End file.
